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US Air Force Maintenance

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P)= PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. (S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud. (S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield. (S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. (S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

(P) IFF inoperative. (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. (S) That's what they are there for.

(P) Number three engine missing. (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles FUNNY. (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

(P) Target radar hums. (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.