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Lessons For Life

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit

saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do

nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground

below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped

on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high


Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get

to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the

energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"

replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey

pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough

strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after

eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a

fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon

he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the


Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The

brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's

responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we

carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands

said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all

the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and

the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So

the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the

feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain

fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the

Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the

work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story:

You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson Number 4

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a

pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since his last

meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally,

he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten

too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked

around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up

against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off,

thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.

Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when

he hit the floor. Dead.

The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know

you're full of shit.
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