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Ode To Puke

 
With apologies to Mr Poe

As I kneel, head bowed, puking,

as I choke and snort my sputum

croaking, coughing, retching, groaning,

on the bathroom floor,

I think, though brain is dizzy,

things I've never thought before

Things I've missed, though often spewing,

or somehow managed to ignore

While I lie bedraggled,

on the stinking cold hard floor.

Now with head a-throbbing,

o'er the great white bowl I'm bobbing,

Bobbing, throbbing, weaving, chucking,

surely there can be no more?

No more vomit I lay praying,

Jesus! save me now, and seal my maw

And send a team of maidens

to mop this stinking cold hard floor

And if you do, I promise,

on my honour, Nevermore!

But lo! my gut's ill-fated,

and my heaves are unabated,

And now my thoughts turn back

to whence they were before,

As I'm squirming, smacking, flopping,

like a spastic being ignored.

And no maidens do I hear,

not one wet-wipe does appear,

Nought but dread convulsions

on the stinking cold hard floor.

Tis curious, I wonder,

as I purge more sauce-filled chunder,

How the saucy slick of chunder,

appears, oh what a wonder!

As a likeness of myself

such as I've never seen before

As a likeness of myself,

writhing on the cold hard floor

And the likeness set me thinking,

how my doping, not my drinking,

could result in such a stinking,

stinking on the cold hard floor.

And two things I did conclude,

"Thank you, torrid interlude!"

And thank you Gods, all praise to you,

for there's truth in floating spew.
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