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Sad Ass Hussein

Q: Why did the Saddam trade one of his thirteen wives for

a new toilet?

A: The hole was smaller and smelled better.

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and a Scud Missile?

A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: What do you call two Iraqi women walking into a bar?

A: Incoming scuds!

Two Iraqis are chatting. One of them has his wallet out

and is flipping through pictures.

"This is my oldest. He's a martyr."

"Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."

There's a pause. The second Iraqi says, wistfully, "Ah,

they blow up so fast, don't they?"

Top Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein

...Shares pain of economic embargo because he can only obtain

gold-plated replacement fixtures for solid gold bathtubs.

...Top scientists have finally unlocked technological secrets

of 8-track tapes and Pez dispensers, but have yet to procure

free HBO.

...Extensive private collection of Barbie dolls has a lot of

missing limbs and strange burn marks.

...Still wonders if Ross and Rachel will get back together.

...Executed thousands over meager 99.99999% share of vote in

recent elections after forgetting to vote for himself.

...Upset that Slobodan hasn’t written for weeks.

...Gave pop quiz to aides after nine hour speech at "Disembowel

the Zionist Lackeys of Imperialism" Rally; those with low

marks now carefully reviewing notes by candlelight in Baghdad

sewer cages using remaining limbs.

...Pleased that he’s now slightly more popular in Kuwait than

flesh-eating bacteria; hopes to overtake botulism after

lengthy "hearts and minds" campaign.

...Bolsters the morale of elite troops by doing the "moonwalk"

for them.

...Still regretting brilliant "Park Entire Air Force in Iran"

maneuver during Gulf War.

...Excelled in the Iraqi Boy Scouts and still treasures his

Assassination Merit Badge.

...Uses various spellings of his name, such as Sadam, Sadamm,

or Sahdam, to keep ordering ten CD’s for only 1 cent from

his favorite record club.

...Recent rumors of his ill health were repeatedly, vehemently,

and fervently denied by his brand-new personal physician.