Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up at company parties.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.
"COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:" Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion.
"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
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